Channeling Emotions

Even though I don’t really believe in astrology, one could say I’m a typical Pisces. I’m not too extravagant about showing my emotions and overall I’m pretty easy going. Cool as a cucumber so to say. But sometimes… very rarely, about once a year, this cute little fishy can turn into a somewhat less cool aquatic vertebrate. A shark for instance.

This was one of those mornings. It started when I got dressed not being entirely sure about my choice of wardrobe and Peter-Bas gave me that look. “What?” I asked. He didn’t even have time to say “I don’t know but there’s something weird about your outfit”; I had already changed into different pants. I had breakfast, brushed my teeth and was about ready to go when I realized I didn’t know what shoes to wear. PB advised me to wear “those brown ones”, meaning the ones with the ridiculously high heels. I put them on when he said “Of course you should wear a brown belt with those instead of a white one.” “Damn, you’re right!” I said, and started looking for my one brown belt, while PB tried to convince me that it really wasn’t that important. After searching for a couple of minutes I gave up and put the white belt back on.

Now, I left the house three minutes later than usual. Big deal you think, but remember it’s only a six minute walk to the train station. So I had cut my time in half. I was really really late. I started running through Hoog Catharijne (on my high heels) to the train station, looking ridiculous trying to go as fast as I could and dodging people at the same time. I had ten seconds to go down the escalator. Fortunately, most people followed the unwritten rule: 'thou shalt not stand still on the left side of the escalator for people who are in a hurry will run down the escalator there'. Most people but one. I tried to politely push on “I’m sorry, excuse me, can I pass, I’m in a hurry” but alas. I ran towards the train while the whistle already sounded, saying the Dutch k-word with every step I took when the doors closed right in front of me.

Something came over me. Something I know many people experience on a daily basis and which I have always considered a weakness. But this time, I couldn’t stop myself… Furiously I shouted “GODVERDOMME!” turning heads all around.

I thought an outburst of rage would release some pressure and be a relief, but it wasn’t. Not for me. I was still angry when I went up the escalator again. And when I looked to see from which platform the next train would depart (half an hour later!). And when I bought myself a coffee. Still even when I sat in the next train trying to tell myself I would feel better soon.

After a few minutes I realized that the only remedy was music. No matter what, I have always been able to channel my emotions, good and bad, through music. So I turned on my mp3 player. Hard rock or house couldn’t do the trick; that would only make it worse. I thought about Boomclick, but that’s only great for the more melancholy moods. I decided on some quality hip hop: Nas’ new album ‘Hip Hop is Dead’. And guess what, after only a few songs all of my ridiculous rage was gone. Next on the play list was ‘Hot Fuss’ by The Killers. Now that band is always good for some nice euphoria. When I arrived at work I was skipping and whistling and smiling about my ridiculous overreaction. I had a lovely day.

I guess music saved the day again.